Sunday, November 07, 2004



i will explain crunk juice here.

the first problem: people think he's really fucking funny.

he is funny. but.

people want to hear lil jon being funny. we get to hear him on a minimal conventional goofy neptunes beat with pharrell. jon roars in the background and then comes in talking about shake what your mama gave you and getting ready for bored ying yangs twins verses. we get to hear him on rick rubin rock thing. straight raw guitar riff with jon talking about "like my bitch always on my fuckin back talkin bout i need to get a fuckin job and shit talkin bout i need to pay my fuckin child support and shit bitch i'm out here tryna do all that shit but shit doesn't always go my fuckin way sometimes you need to get the fuck off my back and let me learn how to get this shit on my own. why don't you just stop fuckin with me? why don't you stop fuckin with me? WHY YOU FUCKIN WITH ME??? STOP FUCKIN WITH ME!!! DON'T BE FUCKIN WITH ME!!! STOP FUCKIN WITH ME!!!" people want to hear funny self-conscious call and response songs based on aww skeet skeet skeet skeet.

all of the skits are chris rock straight recycling his standup material about how funny get low was, but delivered shrill and peppered with "i'm here with lil jon" shoutouts.

there are weak as fuck slowjams. usher, luda and jon on a totally out of place track with straight r&b drums and piano and no bass and soft focus sung/rapped verses about love. and jon singing on the end about taking baths together and making the switch from friend to lover. and some shit with r. kelly on midtempo dense rattles/crackles/whistles/hums/woahs/drums and another ridiculous luda verse. and some pimping anthem with snoop. but remember: slick, filthy slowjams on the end of kings of crunk? devin and oobie!! collapsing walls of bass and still beautiful, oobie all breathy on it. remember?

and all the good tracks, the hard tracks, the real tracks on the front. all the bad stuff comes after them.

there's bo hagon with calls to throw up your click, city, state, country, whatever on slow, punishing shit beat with drums replaced by videogame chk-chk guncocks and groans stretched out into rockslides and delicate soundtrack to slow motion time lapse photography flowers blossoming pings of the most beautiful noises ever.

there's ice cube and lil jon's geography lesson. NOW WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR CITY OR STATE BEING CALLED YOU PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN MIDDLE FINGER UP IN THIS BITCH!! those best drums in the world drums-- can't wait for the real album so i can hear this in my trunk and stomach-- and cute synthesizer experiments.

there's the necessary 8ball and mjg track with squealing guitars and rough drums and BUSS A NIGGA HEAD TO THE WHITE MEAT chorus and raps about pulling pistols and taking watches.

there's gangsta boo on a dj paul/juicy j bite. jon takes his lord of the rings choirs and howling sandstorms and slows it down to da superproducers tempo, adds windows start-up bells, his eastside boyz doing fake three six verses about pills and club riots, extracts slowroasted horror, lays on screwed and chopped gangsta boo verse about leaving cocaine.

no one's sure what to think.

Comments:
"In Da Club" fucking sucks, I haven't heard the rest except for the ones I posted on ILM and then the Ice Cube one and the single. Most of what I heard has been great. Also I've decided that "What You Gon' Do" is a lot better than I gave it a chance for being originally, the bass synth part is too compulsively bounceable.
 
'da blow' might be the hardest down south beat of the year. it's like 'knuck if you buck' on heroin. in middle earth. it knocks like a bill collector. jesus christ
 
crunk juice sounds like lil jon read and enjoyed that ilm thread about the crunk/oi connection.
 
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