Wednesday, September 08, 2004

chrysler 300
there's a scene in the new mannie fresh video for real big where he very literally illustrates b.g.'s cashmoney diss "and we gon do it like real niggas do: not one maybach, ten lacs comin through." in a car showroom, he explains that he wants to trade in his maybach (cut to close-up of triple m hood ornament and sliding across sweeping lines of hood and roof)(but on the outro of big money heavyweights there's a sort of funny-angry outro by mannie about how he doesn't drive maybachs-- "i drive old-ass cars, dude! and the chicks: i don't buy bars and all that kinda bullshit"-- and they need to talk to baby if they want that shit), get that long row of identical silver 300s that are lined up along one wall, and distribute them to all the members of his crew.
the first one we ever saw was in a boston pizza parkinglot in saskatoon. one of the creamy white ones. bulldog battering ram face with big dumb diamond eyes. kleenex box flat on every side and with the little slitted side windows that you could never hang your arm out. and it makes sense never to roll down the windows. it makes sense for them to look like some kind of drone cars. indigo-tinted windows to hide the lack of driver. it's a car that would still be beautiful and still make sense if everyone in the world drove one, an identical robotic silver 2005 chrysler 300. they're so clean and emotionless. in traffic they blur everything else into a fast motion mess perfect background for clean silver or two percent white. fuck big rolls royce dracula castles and arrogant sharp eyed japanese seamonsters. it's a pure american robot.
it's why michael vick can stand beside one on the cover of rides, 2005 chrysler 300 with only minor cosmetic changes. (example of the opposite thing: lil jon on how i'm living sort of shrugging and dragging his feet out to his driveway to show the camera crew his new h2 and having to be all ashamed and apologetic and saying, "yeah i know everyone has one, let's just keep going.")
wheelworks out on the highway looks like a chrysler dealership right now with all the 300s sitting behind the back fence waiting for 20s or 22s or warranty voiding, wheelwell scraping 24s with low profile tires that look like black rubber band stretched around the rim, which will be bent and pothole-fucked by the end of the month. after the rims you put on the screendoor mesh grille or the euro grille that looks like a fireplace covering thing. and we see all the fancy ones cruising through north central and parked in front of nyx and gabbo's and even though the gaudy decoration dilutes the awe slightly we are still stunned reverent and try not to make direct eye contact.

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